I know what you’re all thinking; the blog should now start focussing on ‘Life in Czech Republic.’ Nah – there’s more to it – so hang in there! I need to deal with NEGATIVITY – a far more essential topic, which was impacting heavily on my life thus far. There are hundreds of authors that pose a magic fix. Sure they can help but many a time it’s how you translate the messages.
Apparently it’s quite a simple procedure according to the one I chose – the author clearly stated ‘look after the first five minutes of your day and only then will the rest of the day look after you.’ So the next morning, I conscientiously made the effort to remain happy for the first five minutes of the day. It sure happened and I felt wonderful! Did it last though? Of course not! Within an hour, the negative thoughts piled in, like guests at an iftari dinner.
FIRST STAGE – the endless thoughts
Why am I fat?
Why do I have spots?
Why didn’t I get into Medicine the first time?
Why are all the bad things happening to me?
Why, why why?!
(Hopefully you get the gist)
The list goes on and on and if you are also in a negative mindset, then you will know exactly where I’m coming from. In fact the thought process is very similar to the ‘domino effect’ or a nuclear chain reaction; it takes only one negative thought to trigger off a cascade of negative ideas!
SECOND STAGE – drama, tears and drama followed by a bit more drama
This usually consists of crying, shouting and slamming the bedroom door shut! Consequently the brothers storm into the room and shout ‘for God’s sake Zahra, stop being a drama queen and MAN UP!’ Those two words – ‘man up’, infuriate me as firstly, I’m not a man and secondly this automatically means that no one cares about me in the house (when in actual fact, they’ve just had enough of the drama). And once again, another crying session – but this time it lasts for what feels like eternity.
THIRD STAGE – Ami’s (mum’s) comments
These are never ending, only mentioning a few here:
“Is tharan rori hai, jis tharan koi mar gaya hai” (she is crying as if someone has died)
“Hai Allah, is ladki nay mujhe bohat thang kiya va hai” (Oh God, this girl is really annoying me)
“Har waqt kamray mein ro rahi hoti hai, aur kuch karnay kay liye nahin hai kya? (she’s always crying in her room, doesn’t she have anything else to do)
Overall the process is very similar to a vicious cycle; you have no recollection of how you entered and once in, there are no exit signs!
Without sounding so brutal and blunt, negativity is a DISEASE. It is a disorder and produces symptoms that affect a specific location i.e. the mind. If you have a positive mind then trust me, you are naturally devoid of several problems in life. And often this condition is overlooked. People are told to ‘get over it’ or are accused of being ‘dramatic’ when in actual fact it’s a serious problem and impacts many individuals on a daily basis.
On my bookshelf you’ll mostly find positivity-related books; ‘half full’, ‘attitude is everything’, ‘first thing every morning’, ‘learning to dance in the rain’ etc. Every time I open one of these, I hope and pray that after finishing that last sentence, I will become a positive person and life will be great. HAPPY DAYS – NOT!
Once my mum found me crying hysterically. She charged into the room and I thought oh crap, this is it, my first official chapayr (slap) but to my astonishment, she picked up a pad of paper and a pen and told me to write down everything that I am grateful for. Are you having a laugh? Was she being serious? Why couldn’t she just be sympathetic like the rest of them and console me. Eventually out of pure boredom I began to write. My list consisted of good health, amazing family and friends. That’s great. Feeling ever so positive. I should have just taken that Hagen Daz strawberry cheesecake out of the fridge!!! My mum started laughing when she saw five words on my list. ‘Good health’ she said, ‘lets elaborate on that; write down all of the bones in your body that are working fine, then write down all of the muscles in your body that are functioning normally, then write down all of the brain diseases you are devoid of, or any other diseases and so.’ She was emphasising that there is far more to our health than we often envisage; so many problems can occur, so many diseases that Allah keeps us away from and most of the time we take our health for granted! Then she went on to say how some people don’t even have basic necessities in life – such as water and shelter or even family!
At the time I shrugged my shoulders and agreed, not really paying much attention. However at night, my mum’s comments kept on replaying in my mind like a broken CD. IT WAS SO TRUE; even something as simple as a paper cut causes us immense pain so now imagine the vast amount of diseases and conditions that people are enduring on a daily basis. I felt extremely petty, crying over spots!
However the problem herein lies that negative people are well and truly aware of their blessings. I know very well that I have so much to be grateful for. But people with negative minds will understand that, sometimes, just sometimes, those intense negative thoughts kidnap your mind, leaving you helpless, wandering aimlessly like a lost lamb as you have no idea where your mind has gone!
Long story short, I have come to realise that being positive is an active process. It certainly doesn’t occur overnight and also not by reading books only. YOU HAVE TO BE PROACTIVE. It is a constant battle that takes place in your mind but once your mind is trained to think positively, it becomes incorporated into your nature. Also it’s easy to portray yourself as a victim. However this is dangerous as it can become a habit and only ever leads to self destruction.
Enough with the negativity, the greatest thing here is that this situation can be resolved; IT IS IN YOUR HANDS! Of course this is something that can be dealt with but nothing comes easily – it requires utmost patience and dedication. For over a year I have been training my mind to think positively and even now those negative thoughts slowly creep into my mind but you have to brush them aside.
Finally as I’m growing up, I’m realising that ATTITUDE HAS A MASSIVE IMPACT ON LIFE and for me it is far more important than successes, failures, what other people think/say/do, circumstances, appearance, skills and that bank balance! Your attitude can make you or break you. Every morning you wake up and make a choice – no, I know what you’re thinking, it’s not what colour lipstick should I apply today or what colour shirt should I wear today but…WHAT ATTITUDE AM I GOING TO WEAR TODAY?
We can’t change the past, the inevitable or the way people act but one thing we can change is our attitude. It is the only thing that we will ever have complete control over.
Moreover as a child I couldn’t wait to become a teenager. Dealing with GCSE’S was too painful (still don’t understand how I managed 12 subjects all at one time) and I couldn’t wait to begin A-levels. Once these had begun, I eagerly awaited University. Currently I can’t wait to get married! However during this time, not once have I taken a break and just appreciated the moment I am in. As humans we are constantly racing, moving forwards and just like that, our whole lives pass by. We always want more and more. Don’t get me wrong, progressing and moving forwards in life is wonderful and necessary but at times you need to press that brake and enjoy the present.
So pause, take a break, look around you and be grateful for where you are. LEARN TO LIVE IN THE MOMENT! And remember to fill those brains with positive thoughts as only then will you begin to see positive results.